by Joan Rachel Romero(Joan is now a graduating Computer Science major. She serves as Vice Chair for External Affairs of UPD NavsShe currently owns a total of 32 blankets.)
My parents always thought me bold-blooded. I was convinced that I was; brave and unafraid. Not until the bigger realities of life slapped me left and right did I ever really know that I wasn't all that I thought myself to be. I wrapped the whole of me with blankets—persuading myself that it was below-zero-cold outside and I needed my sheets, when in truth, I was sweating beneath, fighting for life. I had been afraid to even take a step towards reality. So I stayed under the sheets. Slowly killing myself as I gasped for air.
It had to take several harsh nudges, disappointments, spanking, failures, and so much grace to get me to take that step. I have begun (and mind you, still beginning) to take those small steps. The fears still haunt me. It rages within me and in times I am tempted to go back to my sheets.That God will honor these small steps, is my hope and prayer. That these small steps be the droplets which, in time, will produce a fountain of faith—ever springing.I am reminded of this question: Who does God say I am? What God says of me are these:
I am fallen but I have been saved.
Now, I am His child.
Now, I am more than a conqueror. ■
(November 28 2006 )This was written at a time when I was overwhelmed by the new challenges I faced- in leadership, in my Christian life, in my commitments, in decision-making, & in my personal relationships. During this time, the TNT study was on High-Trust Culture wherein, “Who does God say I am?” was a question that struck me and has since reminded me at times when I fall and am frightened, to come back to the foot of the cross.
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